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Douglas Hackle
2 books
First: 2013 Latest: 2026 Avg: 4.3★ Top genres: Fiction, Humor & Satire, Horror
Clown Tear Junkies
Clown Tear Junkies
Clown Tear Junkies
by Douglas Hackle

"Hackle may be the best absurdist story writer working today."-Bradley Sands, author of TV Snorted My BrainWithin the whacked-out worlds of these twisted tales, only one thing remains the same:Everything is better when laced with the tears of a clown...When a sexually adventurous couple decides to spice things up by bringing bees into the mix, they learn it's never wise to dial 811 in case of an emergency. A deadbeat dad gains employment as a lady-in-waiting in a fairytale bromance where every character looks exactly like someone else from John Carpenter's The Thing. The unknowing victim of a cruel prank, a simpleton spends his entire life waiting on a park bench for the hottest girl in school. Using only his twenty-sided die and good old-fashioned D&D magic, a man must continually resurrect the neighborhood kid regularly murdered on his own front lawn. An aging slaughterhouse worker and the iconic figure from Edvard Munch's The Scream hit the clubs every weekend in a vain attempt to get laid.These and many more absurdities await in Clown Tear Junkies, the debut collection from Douglas Hackle.

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Clown Tear Junkies cover image
★ 4.0
1 reviews
Fiction
Humor & Satire
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"Hackle may be the best absurdist story writer working today."-Bradley Sands, author of TV Snorted My BrainWithin the whacked-out worlds of these twisted tales, only one thing remains the same:Everything is better when laced with the tears of a clown...When a sexually adventurous couple decides to spice things up by bringing bees into the mix, they learn it's never wise to dial 811 in case of an emergency. A deadbeat dad gains employment as a lady-in-waiting in a fairytale bromance where every character looks exactly like someone else from John Carpenter's The Thing. The unknowing victim of a cruel prank, a simpleton spends his entire life waiting on a park bench for the hottest girl in school. Using only his twenty-sided die and good old-fashioned D&D magic, a man must continually resurrect the neighborhood kid regularly murdered on his own front lawn. An aging slaughterhouse worker and the iconic figure from Edvard Munch's The Scream hit the clubs every weekend in a vain attempt to get laid.These and many more absurdities await in Clown Tear Junkies, the debut collection from Douglas Hackle.

2013

195 pages

★ 4.0
You Only Need One Kidney, so I Removed One of Mine and Made It Into My Butler; Also, My House Is Haunted by the Ghost of Blockbuster Video
You Only Need One Kidney, so I Removed One of Mine and Made It Into My Butler; Also, My House Is Haunted by the Ghost of Blockbuster Video

Bro, do you even know what happens if you stand in front of a mirror and say “Blockbuster Video” exactly one million times? No, bro? Well, don’t feel bad, because neither did newly rich Tim Carmichael-Wellingtonshire, a man obsessed with becoming the inbred banjo boy from the movie Deliverance. That is, he didn’t know until he moved into the original “Dueling Banjoes” house in the blue hills of northern Georgia, a place indeed haunted by the ghost of Blockbuster Video, as murderous as he is obnoxious. But with the support of his brand-new kidney butler—obviously, a kidney butler is a butler made from one’s own surgically removed kidney (bro, did you even know that?)—Tim can deal with the ghost and focus on learning how to play the goddang banjo.

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You Only Need One Kidney, so I Removed One of Mine and Made It Into My Butler; Also, My House Is Haunted by the Ghost of Blockbuster Video cover image
★ 4.5
1 reviews
Fiction
Horror
Haunted House
Fantasy
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Bro, do you even know what happens if you stand in front of a mirror and say “Blockbuster Video” exactly one million times? No, bro? Well, don’t feel bad, because neither did newly rich Tim Carmichael-Wellingtonshire, a man obsessed with becoming the inbred banjo boy from the movie Deliverance. That is, he didn’t know until he moved into the original “Dueling Banjoes” house in the blue hills of northern Georgia, a place indeed haunted by the ghost of Blockbuster Video, as murderous as he is obnoxious. But with the support of his brand-new kidney butler—obviously, a kidney butler is a butler made from one’s own surgically removed kidney (bro, did you even know that?)—Tim can deal with the ghost and focus on learning how to play the goddang banjo.

2026

167 pages

★ 4.5
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